It’s officially Fall, and the leaves outside my window are a glorious shade of yellow. I look forward to this time of year, as many people do. I look forward to the fresh blossoms on the tree and the tulips in Spring…and the snow flurries of Winter and the hot blast of Summer are also welcome visitors when their quarterly time comes. Paradoxically, I rely on them and the changes they bring for a certain kind of continuity and stability in my life.

Similarly, holidays punctuate our lives on more or less a monthly basis. Weekends and workweeks are outlined for us (even if our schedule is unconventional, it usually has a decided-upon pattern of days both off and on), and the day itself cradles us within the security of a predictable sunrise and a sunset. Whether obscured by clouds or shining bright for all to see, the moon makes its regular nightly appearance, and has cycles of its own that many other living things on the planet depend on in turn for regulation of their own cycles. On an even smaller scale, most of us have between 2-3 meals per day which provide us with markers for the passage of time and a signpost for what’s happened to that point and what’s left to come. We make sense of the undulating unpredictability of our lives through the undeniable reliability of certain aspects of it.

The pillars of our existence mentioned above have been more or less created for us through our predecessors and the natural world over time, and we’ve grown up, in, and around it, but what about everything in between that hasn't been determined by a force larger than ourselves? From just those few basic examples of the routines of both humans and nature, it seems pretty clear that it is human nature to derive an element of meaning and security from an established routine on many levels and in many areas of life.

Despite these key features we all rely upon, does the world feel beyond your control? What can you control? How you spend your time. The things you do, each and every day, that have meaning for you. These you can control. Even those who enjoy living by the seat of their pants benefit from dedicated time and space in which to experience and satisfy their need for the unpredictable and unstructured…

Without a daily structure in our lives, we become unsettled. If we don’t create it ourselves (perhaps as the natural consequence of not having done so in the first place), we might feel controlled or powerless. We develop feelings of anxiety and may find ourselves restless, without even being sure of why. We might even mis-attribute those anxious feelings to something completely unrelated to the original source. Imagine if each day began with being unsure of where you were going to work, how you were going to spend the waking hours of your day, what or with whom you were going to eat, or how you would get from Point A to Point B or what or where Point A and B were and if there was even a point in going there? Unfortunately, some people do live that experience on daily basis – and that may even be your experience to this point. It is undoubtedly anxiety-provoking, particularly when the ability to structure or predict those activities feels beyond our control or out of reach.

The opposite is also true: when our days have a certain degree of predictability to them, and when the structure they embody is of our own making and is reflective of our values, goals, hopes and dreams, it can be as comforting as giving yourself a big hug. It gives us something to cling to when the rest of our experience feels beyond our control; you know that, no matter what's happening in the present moment, you will get through it and have the comfort of your well-established and highly-comforting routine to soothe you at a predictable point in time. This also serves as the foundation for many other healthy habits, as they can be "plugged in" to spaces within your day, ensuring that you're always making time for the things that are important to you.

A fellow named Abraham Maslow came up with a theory entitled, “The Hierarchy of Needs” which outlines human needs in the form of a pyramid from their most basic to their most aspirational, also positing that humans have great difficulty moving toward higher levels of a concept he called “self-actualization” unless their more basic human needs are progressively met. While the “Physiological Needs” of food, water, shelter, and rest are the most basic-of-the-basic, the next most basic need is “Safety” which is comprised of both safety and security. While it’s clear he was talking about “safety and security” in the classic sense (e.g., you feel at ease in your own home and while milling about in public and that you feel as though you can generally count on those feelings to remain true over time, etc.), it also applies to every other permutation of “safety and security” as well – including the structure each of us has the power to create for ourselves each day.

Many people feel a sense of directionless-ness without a clear sense of why, and many people feel as though time is passing them by. They find they’re not able to accomplish all that’s important to them, and they may even feel overwhelmed at the sheer volume of Things Left Undone and Things Yet to Be Done, so instead they do nothing. Perhaps not surprisingly, the feeling of unease doesn’t go away – instead, it festers and nibbles at our heels, infecting our thoughts when we’re simply trying to rest, hoping to garner enough strength to press on, yet discouraging us and holding us hostage all the while. Some try to numb the feeling with distractions of all kinds. Some don't feel worthy of keeping promises to themselves in the form of sticking to a schedule or making time for personally-important things.

Others simply find it difficult to stick to a routine, even if they feel as though they’ve benefitted from one in the past and would like to implement one going forward. Often, those who fall into this category are trying to cram too much into their day, or setting goals for themselves that are unrealistic at that point in time for any number of reasons. Those who find themselves in this situation may be trying to put the roof on the house before the foundation is built, and that approach is destined to have its share of calamity.

Again, when the world around you feels chaotic and/or unpredictable, having a regular routine that you created and that has meaning for you can be grounding, centering, and can serve as a springboard to resilience in the face of the unknown. There may be a number of things you don’t know, but you do know you can rely on your own daily structure.

The key to setting (and benefitting from) a routine is in sticking to it; it doesn’t matter what your routine is comprised of – that’s actually quite secondary. It’s the simple fact that you’ve determined something is going to be done at a certain day and/or time and you’ve actually done it (because you’ve got IntrApersonal Integrity – if you’ve read Blog #3, you’ll know what I mean) that provides a sense of structure, security and predictability. Once you’ve created that sense of security and predictability for yourself, other, higher-level accomplishments become possible. The foundation has a frame upon which the roof can safely and logically be placed.

Although those just starting out may need to ensure the “signposts” they create throughout their day are easily achievable in order to gain the experience (and benefit) of setting and adhering to a structure (e.g., “Watch ‘The Wild, Wild World of Wildabeasts’ at 9am for 30 minutes”), eventually it’s ideal if the tasks that comprise the structure or routine of one’s day eventually stem from one’s personal values. An example of that might look like, “10 minutes of yoga before showering for work” or “Gratitude journaling for 5 minutes before bed,” or "Spend 20 minutes with Buddy on the back porch at sunset." By ensuring your daily tasks are rooted in your personal values, your present self is honoring and investing in your future self, and then you’re nurturing a sense of self-love and self-worth, the effects of which can reach far beyond just the completion of daily tasks.

Bringing all of the blogs to-date full circle, when we’re able to:

· Be with ourselves without judging ourselves

· Be a part of a support network for good times and bad (which provides a kind of structure in and of itself)

· Have intrapersonal integrity and

· Create and stick to a routine based on what we find to be important in our own lives (and if, in being fully human, we fall off the “routine” wagon from time to time, return to Step 1 above and begin again)

…we’re closer to living the kind of life we’ve always wanted. Our foundation is solid to move ahead, whatever that means for us as individuals.

This isn’t all-inclusive, and there are of course some additional, important elements to this, but these four components form the foundation for the others that follow.

If you’re feeling stuck and are having a hard time getting yourself motivated to make some changes to the structure and routine of your life, reach out below and click on the “Request Appointment” button for your free 20-minute video consultation to see how we can work together to get you back in the driver’s seat of your life again.