Over the past few years, have you noticed that you’ve been feeling especially isolated and alone, even when surrounded by people? Have you experienced a vague sense of unease, a consistent difficulty in relaxing or challenges in tuning in to a larger sense of your own unique purpose and meaning? Do you find yourself flitting from one thing to the next, seeking the next quick thrill (but not really finding it) and having little tolerance for stress or challenge? Are you worried about the vast unknown, or have a sense that you’re “behind” and time is running out? Is there that nagging sense of generalized anxiety that permeates the majority of your waking hours (or sleeping hours too, for that matter), but you can’t quite put your finger on what it is exactly?
Something’s missing, isn’t it? Whatever it is, it’s gnawing at you, right? There has got to be something more than just this…
Existential therapy can help you find your answers.
What is Existential Therapy?
Existential therapy is influenced by the existential philosophies of Soren Kirkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Martin Heidegger and Jean-Paul Sartre, who explored themes of anxiety, freedom, death and the inherent meaninglessness of life – all of which are foundational principles that existential psychotherapy eagerly explores. Viktor Frankl, Rollo May and Irvin Yalom are the more prominent developers of existential psychotherapy, which was at its peak in the mid-20th century. But don’t let that “vintage” vibe scare you off – I’ll explore more about why it’s still very (if not perhaps more) relevant today in just a moment.
Defining Your Unique Purpose and Life’s Meaning
Central to existential psychotherapy is answering the question of what it means to live authentically in the world alongside life’s inherent meaninglessness (!), and the resulting need for the individual to create their own sense of meaning and purpose against that “blank” backdrop. It argues that, until we grapple with and resolve these questions, we will find ourselves beset by amorphous anxiety that eats away at our sense of self, self-respect and self-efficacy, all the while relentlessly nipping at our heels like a very intense and persistent Chihuahua.
This is where Nietzsche’s saying, “He who has a ‘why’ can bear almost any ‘how,’” comes in. When we have a strong sense of purpose and meaning in our lives, we’re able to align with that purpose and endure a great deal of hardship and stress (if need be) without crumbling beneath the pressure of it all. Ever have a sense that you would “do anything” for a particular cause or person, or a feeling that “working” toward a certain goal doesn’t necessarily feel like work to you at all, even though it may seem insufferable or even pointless to others? This is the beginning of having a “why” that makes it possible to bear “almost any ‘how.’” It’s that thing that gets you out of bed when you feel like doing nothing more than hiding under the covers. It’s the thing that makes you push yourself just a little bit harder, stretching your capacity and growing your capabilities, helping you move in the direction of fulfilling your own unique potential and sense of congruence while teaching you about your own unmovable sense of internal strength and fortitude in the process.
Through this, you learn to trust yourself, your own motivations, and your ability to make things happen in the world. You develop self-efficacy. You assimilate and overcome the traumatic demons from your past. Your opinion of yourself becomes less easily swayed by those who would gaslight, falsely accuse, or project their own shortcomings onto you, and a deep sense of calm self-assurance becomes your norm. You then truly know yourself, and no one can ever take that from you. By extension, the quote attributed to both Malcom X and Alexander Hamilton, “He who stands for nothing will fall for anything,” applies here, as well. If you know what you’re all about, no one can tell you otherwise. In turn, that sense of “knowingness” can be applied to other contexts and decisions throughout life. Once you know what that feeling is, you can’t “un-know” it. There’s no going back, and that’s a good thing.
Conversely, without a sense of your own unique “why,” you might feel unmotivated, undisciplined, aimless, anxiety-ridden, depressed, and generally out of control and insecure. Your relationships may suffer, or be mismatched or unfulfilling. There are of course potentially other reasons why one might feel this way, and the causes are rarely so clear-cut as to be an existential crisis and nothing more; nothing exists in isolation. But as with many other matters of self-care (and one might argue that tending to one’s existential awareness is indeed self-care), if one hasn’t yet examined their sense of purpose and meaning in life, only the surface symptoms can be treated without a thorough resolution of this very important contributing (and arguably underlying) factor that will remain present on some level until it is resolved.
Why Now?
Existential psychotherapy was at its initial peak after World War II, when concerns of existence and meaning were at the forefront of many people’s minds – particularly those who had seen the gruesome realities of what humans are capable of – realities which were difficult to make sense of or to even fully comprehend; after all, it was during that era that we developed the ability to completely exterminate ourselves from the planet.
Today, we find ourselves in the midst of a world filled with rapidly changing technological advances, dramatic social upheavals, and a constant flow of information that dominates our lives. As such, it’s difficult to know what’s authentically “us.” Unprecedented changes, economic instability, globalization and climate change, along with the rise of artificial intelligence also contribute to widespread anxiety and that sense of “existential dread.” Within this context, many people find themselves struggling with feelings of alienation and purposelessness.
The rise of social media has helped us to develop more “connections” on a wider scale, but has also simultaneously led to a sense of fragmentation, isolation and disconnection, encouraging superficial relationships and unrealistic expectations leading to feelings of inadequacy, inauthenticity, emptiness and lack of meaning.
Our information and digital ages have, in many ways, given us more choice than ever – yet finding our own voice and sense of direction can also be harder than ever because of these same multi-faceted and often competing influences. As the saying goes, “You are free to choose, but not free from the consequences of your choice.” Existential psychotherapy provides a framework for developing awareness of the freedom and responsibility to choose for oneself, as well as understanding and openly embracing the consequences of one’s choice as an extension of oneself and that sense of purpose.
By bravely looking inward and becoming aware of one’s own motivations, intentions, purpose in this world and one’s resulting meaning of life, we empower ourselves to live authentically in the face of change and uncertainty – creating our own “life raft” amidst the inherent tumultuousness of all that it means to be human.
Well, Now What?
Where to begin? Take an inventory of your values, decipher where they came from and if they’re truly yours (as opposed to having “inherited” them from someone or something else) and consider the extent to which your daily actions are guided by them. Feel stuck? Call or message me! Let's shine a light on some things and get it figured out.
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